When we are grieving it is like our phone will only charge to 10 percent. We get a bit of energy and then we are done very quickly. This often takes people by surprise.

Often when we grieve we take on more than we can handle and then feel bad or worry that there is something wrong with us.

There is nothing wrong. The other 90 percent of our energy is going towards grieving. We don’t realize it. Grief affects us physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually. Every aspect of you and your life is affected. To navigate the world without your person is hard work. Everything is different. Learning how to live without our person while being on an emotional roller coaster will take a lot out of you.

In the beginning it’s all you can do to get out of bed to eat food. One day a woman said to me. “Today I got out of bed, I got dressed and I went outside.” That is all that she could manage. I told her, that at this point in her grief even that would be a challenge. Even making decisions about what to wear can feel taxing.

The surprising thing is that even later in your grief, your energy levels are low. It is recommended that you don’t take on big projects or make any big decisions for a while because we just don’t have the band width to follow through and this can cause our inner critic to rear its ugly head. Then the struggle with the struggle takes even more energy.

Over time, we get our energy back, but it takes time. As we grieve we need to be patient with ourselves. Sometimes self care is not doing the house work. Sometimes it is being okay with having a nap, or with saying no to someone.

Remember, your battery doesn’t go to full charge. It will eventually. It does take time though.

Be Gentle,

Denise Torgerson