One of the most unfortunate aspects of grieving is that most people have no idea what you are going through. They say inappropriate things to you, not because they want to hurt you, because they simply do not understand.

As a griever, it is important that we show up for ourselves. I used to call it self-advocacy, but that just seems like so much work.

Being on your own side feels right to me. It is softer and yet there is a strong sense of caring for yourself.

Can you be on your own side as you move through this devastating experience? It requires that you allow yourself to grieve.

Can you give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel? Can you do this in doses – a bit at a time?

We say that you can’t schedule grief in, but if you were on your own side, would you give yourself the time you need to process your emotions and thoughts. Could you find ways to do this as needed?

Often we avoid our grief until it kind of explodes out of us. It is like a pressure cooker, you have to let the steam out.  If we can give ourselves the time to feel, we can learn how to hold it in a more self-compassionate way.

Being on your own side requires allowing: gentleness, self-compassion, and awareness of what you need in any given moment. Being on your own side might require stillness; sometimes it requires actions and choices. Only you know.

I prefer this idea to self-advocacy. Advocacy takes up a lot of energy that you simply do not have right now. Being on your own side, well it is an intention, not an action. It simply requires that you maintain a mindset of self caring.

Denise Torgerson
Community Programs Manager