We have people on this list that are new to grieving and we have people on this list that have been connected with Hospice for a while. No matter the time line – give yourself permission to grieve.
Our society likes to have rules around grieving. Rules like, it’s time to get over it, or the funeral is over so we can get back to normal now, or you need to find yourself another partner. Oh yes, all of these “rules” are verbalized to grievers. People actually think that these kinds of words are helpful.
In reality – grief takes as long as it takes. Our world changes dramatically when someone we love dies. It takes a long time to accept this and then to adjust to all of the changes that happen.
We often think that it is inappropriate to feel things after a certain amount of time. In reality, we will feel things forever in regards to our person. The intensity will change, but we will always miss them.
Sometimes people come to us after one year, or many years for that matter, and they can’t understand why they are still feeling stuff. They are beating themselves up because they are not “over it”. Or they think that they are crazy or that there is something wrong with them. No, this is normal. As the changes in our lives become apparent, the grief shows up again. The more we resist this, the longer it will take to move through it.
So, give yourself permission to grieve. Allow yourself to feel it through. Find strategies that work for you. We are all different. Celebrate your uniqueness. Be gentle with yourself. It will take as long as it takes.
Denise Torgerson
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