Your body is away from me
but there is a window open
from my heart to yours.

From this window, like the moon
I keep sending news secretly.

I love this quote. We continue our relationships with our people even if we do it in secret. This makes my heart full.

This time of year, when we feel the absence of our people so much, take moments out of your day to “send them news”. It can hurt, and at the same time, it can give you a moment of connection, a remembering….

Often for grievers, it is hard to stay connected to anyone. We can feel like we are alone in a room full of people. It can be difficult to “participate”.

So make a plan. My friend once said that when her husband died she would make plans to be with people even though she didn’t want to. She knew she had to make an intention to stay connected. She also gave herself permission to change her plans if she needed to.

Another person that I talk with said that she will be changing her traditions this year, and yet another is so thankful for the traditions that have been passed on.

There is no right way to do this. The holiday season might not be merry this year.

It’s okay if you are not okay.

Do take a moment to connect with your person. Send them news secretly if you need to, or set a place at the table if that is comfortable, or light a candle with us and have a moment of remembering and reflection.

Be ever, ever, so gentle with yourself.

Denise Torgerson
Community Programs