It’s interesting to me how pervasive the idea of getting back to “normal” is in our culture.

We use words like healing, resilience, transformation, growth. Oh there are so many.

I would like to suggest here, that as a griever you have permission to ignore all of those ideas. Yes, we will heal eventually, yes, we do have that resilience that is necessary to move forward with our grief, and yes, we are willing to grow or change as we grieve. We all get that.

Here’s the thing though, there is no getting back to normal. You will create a new normal over time, but on some level or on many levels, life has changed forever. Ugh, it’s so hard to write that forever word.

As well meaning people talk to you about strength, resilience, and getting through our grief, please remember that this is no small task. It takes everything we have to create a new normal. It will take as long as it takes. Maybe normal isn’t even a word that you will ever use again. Life is forever different.

Understand that well meaning people can put pressure on you to “get over” your grief. They don’t understand that we do not “get over” our grief, but we learn to live with it.

Be gentle with yourself as your world changes.

Remember it is our society’s beliefs that are wrong. You will grieve as you grieve.

Denise Torgerson
Community Programs