Do you struggle with the fact that you are struggling? Many of us do. We are so very hard on ourselves. Our inner critics are on overdrive.

We “should” ourselves into misery.

For some reason, we feel like we are not grieving right, or that we should be over our grief by now. Or the many other reasons or thoughts we find to beat ourselves up when we are grieving. For some reason, we do not allow ourselves to struggle. The truth is that we will all have to struggle at some point. It is part of being human, of being alive.

These thoughts that we have about how we feel are simply not correct. How we think about what we feel can play a part in determining how we move through our grief.

If we think we are doing it wrong, we will avoid grieving, or we will become anxious or frustrated around the fact that we feel a certain way on any given day.

I’m going to say it again. How we think about what we feel can play a part in determining how we move through our grief.

There is a book by Megan Divine called “It’s Okay that You are not Okay”. I love that title. It speaks truth. It really is okay that you are not okay.

Can you offer yourself some self compassion? Can you allow yourself to just rest? It’s okay. Give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel. Even if the feelings are what our culture calls “negative”. It’s okay to feel them.

There is no timeline to grief. We all have our own unique way to move through it and it’s okay. Sometimes our people will want us to get on with our lives. It just doesn’t work that way. Grief is a process that can take time. It can also show up when we least expect it. It’s all okay. Do not beat yourself up. Whether it be a week, a month, a year, or many years, if grief shows up, it’s okay. Please be kind to yourself. Please do not struggle with the struggle. Grief is a natural event when we lose someone we love. We are supposed to grieve. Give yourself some grace, some compassion.

It’s okay that you are not okay.

Be Gentle.

Denise Torgerson
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